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^ 

ACTING PLAYS * 

DRILLS AND MARCHES i 

ENTERTAINMENTS J 

, A new copyright series suitable for amateur representation, especially ▼[ 

^ adapted to the uses of schools. The Plays are fresh and bright; the Drills 4) 

^ AND Marches meet the requirements of both sexes, of various ages ; the ^ 

▼ ENTERTAINMENTS are the best of their sort. The Prices are Fifteen T 

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^ One=Act Farces and Comediettas # 

^ (15 CENTS EACH.) M.F. ^ 

W An Irish Engagement (lively and laughable) 42^ 

A Popping the Question (always brings down the house) 2 4 i 

\ Which is Which? (graceful, comical and bright) 3 3^ 

Y Lend Me Five Shillings (provokes continuous mirth) 52^ 

III How to Tame Your Mother-in-Law (extravagantly comical) 42^ 

^ Mulcahy's Cat (Irish low life— Harrigan style) 2 1 \ 

All in der Family (comic Dutch character sketch) 4 2 # 

^ Funnibone's Fix (the woes of an Editor) 62^ 

T A Cup of Tea (spirited and popular ; acts well) '^ ^ ^ 

To Let — Furnished (has a good " dude " character) 31^ 

^ The Obstinate Family (one of the funniest of farces) 3 3 i 

^ More Blunders Than One (comic Irish character) 4 3^ 

The stage-struck Yankee (funny straight through) 42^ 

^ The Vermont Wool Dealer (suits everybody) 5 3 i 

\ The Women's Club ("-The Broken-Hearted Club") 48^ 

S Twenty and Forty (has a frisky old-maid part) 4 6 S 

\ Betsey Baker (creates explosive laughter) 2 2 \ 

^ Freezing a Mother-in-Law (a screaming farce' 32^ 

S At Sixes and Sevens (a gay piece— sure to make a hit) 3 4*^ 

^ Change Partners (comic and vivacious) 2 3 

W A Dark Weight's Business (full of real Irish tun) 3 t 

A Purty Shure Cure (comic, with a temperance moral) 2 i 

^ My Neighbor's Wife (sprightly and ludicrous) 3 3 

W Who Got the Pig? (An Irish jury case) 3 i 

Turn Him Out (wildly farcical) 3 2 

\ Pipes and Perdition (a funny Mother-in-Law piece) 2 2 

W Dot Mat Tog (Dutch and Irish courtship) 2 2 

A His First Brief (elicits shouts of laughter) 3 2 

\ Dot Quied Lotchings (Dutch boarding-house sketch) 5 i ^ 

W My Precious Betsey (indescribably funny) 4 4 9 

A The Ould Man's Coat-Tails (Irish farce) 3 i ^ 

^ A Happy Pair (their quarrels and making-up are very entertaining) i i a 

^ Picking up the Pieces (brilliant dialogue ; old bachelor and widow)., i i W 

A Cut Off With a Shilling (snappy, funny and brisk) 2 

^ Uncle's Will (one of the best of the short plays) 2 

A Case for Eviction (bright, with a comic climax). 



A A Pretty Piece of Business (always " takes") 2 3 

^ Who is Who? (makes 40 minutes of laughter) 3 2 

^ Second Sight (or "Your Fortune for a bolhr") .'. . 4 i 

^ That Rascal Pat (the leading character is a blundering Irishman) 3 2 

^ Good for Nothing (" Nan" is always well received) 51^ 

m An Unexpected Fare (humorous scene at an " afternoon tea ") i 5 1^ 

^ Ice on Parle Francais (one prolonged hurrah of fun) 3 4 

T The Rough Diamon I (dialogue and situations excellent) 4 3 

^ Jumbo Jum (full of genuine humor and fun) 4 3 

^ A Quiet Family (fetches shouts of laughter) 4 4 

^ My Lord in Livery (provokes uproarious mirth) 5 3 

A Regular Fix (an old favorite that always goes well) 6 4 

J HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 132 Nassau St., N. Y. t 



't^'-^Tf-y-Z^-rt^^'iC^ 



DOCTOR SNOWBALL 



A NEGRO FARCE IN ONE ACT 



FOR THREE MALE CHA 




BY 



JAMES BARNES 



Copyright, 1897, by Harold Roorbach 





NEW YORK 
HAROLD ROORBACH, PUBLISHER 

132 Nassau Street 



f^v<^ 



^'^ "V" \ 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

PoMPEY Who feels like a lion. 

Zeke A graduate oh de night school. 

Dr. Snowball The inventor of " Keifoozlem." 



Time of Playing — Twenty minutes. 



COSTUMES. 

Pompey. — Rather dudish ; vest and trousers of a pronounced pattern ; 
fancy colored shirt ; high white collar ; gaudy necktie ; tan shoes ; no 
coat. 

Zeke — White unstarched shirt without collar ; very old trousers, 
patched, and bagged at the knees, held up with one suspender ; battered 
old shoes, tied with white strings ; straw or soft felt hat that has seen 
its best days. 

Dr. Snowball. — Exaggerated professional suit of black, with frock 
coat ; enormous standing collar ; tall white hat with a broad black band. 
He wears spectacles. 

All the characters wear short, woolly, black negro wigs, and are 
"made-up " with burned cork and lip-rouge. 



PROPERTIES. 

Feather-duster, breakfast on tray, and cold tea to represent wine, in 
glass, for Pompey. Dilapidated umbrella and verv old small gripsack 
for Doctor Snowball. A plain table and two ordinary wooden 
chairs, c, on stage. 



ABBRE VIA TIONS. 

In observing, the player faces the audience. R. means right ; l., left ; 
c, centre. R. c, right of centre ; l. c, left of centre ; up stage, toward 
the rear ; down stage, toward the audience. 

R R. C. C L. C. L. 



TMP92-008642 



DOCTOR SNOWBALL. 



SCENE. — A plaiti room with practical door, C, iti the fiat. 
A common table and two chairs, c. As the curtain rises, 
POMPEY is discovered dusting the chairs, and Zeke looks 
171 at the door. 

Zeke. Nig-ger, nigger nebber die ! [Closes door suddenly.) 

Pomp, {looking around). Who's dar ? Why, dar's nobody 
dar ! Seems ter me dat somebody let his name fall at de do' 
jist now. 

Zeke [opens door atid walks iji). Dat yo', Pomp? Whar's 
yo' been fer a week back ? 

Pomp. Been nowhar — nebber had a weak back. 

Zeke. What, nebber ? 

Pomp, VsIgW [strikes attitude), wid comparative infrequency. 
I's alius strong as a lion, I is, — feels jess like a lion dis blessed 
minnit. \Both come down stage. 

Zeke. Yo' jess looks like a lion, Pomp, 

Pomp. Why, did yo' ebber see a lion 1 

Zeke. See one dis mawnin' down at de circus ; yo' should 
jess hab seen de long ears ob de critter. 

Pomp. Did he roar loud, Zeke ? 

Zeke. Roar loud ! I t'ink he did ; he nearly frighten me 
out ob my seben senses. He go, " Hee haw, hee haw ! " 

Pomp. Why dat wus a donkey, Zekiel. 

Zeke. Eh, a donkey t 

Pomp. Fo' suah, 

Zeke. Can't help it, Pomp ; yo' looks jess like him, fo' all 
dat. 

Pomp. Dat accounts fo' de strong likeness between you an' 
me, Zeke. Eberybody says we oughter be twins. 

Zeke. But I say, Pomp, I hasn"t seen yo' fer more'n a week. 

Pomp. No, I hasn't time ter talk ter common niggers now ; 
I's busy nussin' de sick an' afflicted. 

Zeke. Golly, Pomp ! Yo' looks as much like a sick nuss as 
a lion, only more so. 



4 DOCTOR SNOWBALL. 

Pomp. Well, I's attenclin' on de boss ; he's got de mathe- 
matics, an' he's been lyin' at de point ob sickness fer a week. 
De disease am berry serious, an' all de shellfish in his ole body 
hab got quite extracted. 

Zeke. All de what ? 

Pomp. All de shellfish — de muscles, yo' know ; I alius 
t'ought yo' vvus a scholar, Zeke. 

Zeke. So I oughter be. J went to de night school five 
times ; twice de teacher didn't come, an' de fird time he didn't 
hab no candle. Arter dat I went to de college an' cleaned de 
winders ebery week. So I oughter know sumfin' 'bout physi- 
cology. 

Pomp. Dat yo' should. Ef yo' wus only as smart as de 
great Dr. Snowball what comes here ebery day frum de ex- 
pensary ter see de boss, yo'd make no end ob money, Zeke. 
He gits hole ob de ole man's arm so, {imitates a doctor, feels 
pulse, shakes head, etc.) an' den he says it's free an' twenty 
below zero, an' den he looks in his mout ter see what he's been 
eatin', an' he shake his head an' say ter me, " Pompey," he say, 
"nussde old genelman wid de greatest ob care, or else he'll 
nebber recobber IVum one end to de odder, and den yo' may 
expec' ebery minnit ter be his nex'." An' den he writes a sub- 
scription fer me ter put de ole man's feet in hot water an' salt, 
an' gib him brandy an' gruel ebery ten minnits. 

Zeke [deeply interested). Did yo' gib him all dat ? 

Pomp. Wall, I got a lil' mixed up wid de medicine, an' I 
put his feet in de gruel, an' gib him some hot water an' salt 
ebery ten minnits. 

Zeke. But how about de brandy. Pomp ? 

Pomp. De brandy ? Oh, I 'spects I muster drunk it myself 
I's berry much giben ter dose absence ob mind fits. 

Zeke. Don't s'pose dat absence ob mind nebber drunk de 
hot water an' salt, eh, Pomp ? 

Pomp. No, Zekiel ; my fits don't extend dat far. 

[^During the aboTe conversation, both have walked R. 
and'L., up arid down, and joined each other c. in 
front of the tabic, suiting the action to the word. 

Dr. Snowball [outside). Don't gib yo'rself no mo' trouble ; 
I knows de way. 

Pomp. Here's de doctah, now. I'll go and fetch de boss's 
coffee ; but first I'll act like de worshippers ob old, an' prostrate 
myself at de feet ob 2^ jenny ass. 

[He makes a salaam and prostrates himself before 
the door, which opens. Dr. Snowball ENTERS 
backward as ij bowing to some one outside ; he 
falls over PoMPEY, who then EXITS, closing the 
door after him. 



DOCTOR SNOWBALL. 5 

Dr. S. (rises, pulls off spectacles a7id looks abottt Jiim). 
Deah me ! How did I go fo' ter fall ober de carpet ? {Turns, 
advaiices and lays his umbrella, hat and gripsack tipon 
table.) 

Zeke. I 'spects it's kase yo'd no eyes behind yo', sah. 
Folks dat walks backward in dis vale ob tears nebber sees de 
stumblin'-blocks what lays in de way. 

Dr. S. (aside). Who's dis, I wunder ? Anoder doctah ? 
I'll hab no ribals in my path. I's bound ter make all de money 
myself. It's de duty ob ebery perfeshonal man ter git rich, 
fo' de poor man's adwice is nebber taken, let it be ebber so 
wise. Frow a dollar on de table, an' eberybody kin hear de 
ring ob your money; but ef yo' only frows down a nickel 
nobody can't reckernize de soun*. So I won't hab no oppersition 
in my perfeshonal practice. {Turns to Zeke.) Now, sah, 
who am yo' ? I's seen yo' sumwhar's, habn't I .? 

Zeke (l.). Berry likely, sah. I ginerally goes dar. 

Dr. S. (r.). Has yo' eber trabelled ? 

Zeke. Berry often, when I's been on a journey. 

Dr. S. How long has yo' been heah ? 

Zeke. 'Bout five feet six. 

Dr. S. Whar d'yo' cum frum ? 

Zeke. Home. 

Dr. S, Whar's dat ? 

Zeke. Whar I started frum ? 

Dr. S. {growitig irritated). What might your name be ? 

Zeke. It might be Dr. Snowball, but it ain't. 

Dr. S. (mollified). Oh ! So yo' knows me. does yo' ? 

Zeke. I 'spects yo's de great Dr. Snowball frum de suspen- 
sary, dat obercomes all de simplums ob human nature no 
matter how difficult dey am. 

Dr. S. [pompously). Yes, sah, I is de great Dr. Snowball, 
and all simplums am de same ter me. Ef at first I don' suc- 
ceed, I try, try ag'in. 

Zeke. Kin yo' substract teef, doctah ? 

Dr. S. (aside). Aha, dis is anoder patient ! Yes, sah, I can 
extract teef. 

Zeke. Frum what kind o' moufs ? 

Dr. S. Don' make no difference ; all moufs am alike fer 
me. 

Zeke. Den substract one frum de mouf of de Mississippi. 
Yah, yah ! {Jumps aside.) 

Dr. S. (takes up umbrella and shakes it at Zeke). What 
yo' mean by dat, niggah ? 

Zeke (retreats behi7id table). Yo' sets arms an' legs, doesn't 
yo' ? 

Dr. S. Well, sah, what ob dat t Certainly I does. 



6 DOCTOR SNOWBALL. ^ 

Zeke. Kin yo' set an arm ob a chair or de leg ob a table ? 
[Dr. Snowball pursues Zeke with umbrella ; Zeke 
dodges him around the table. 
(L., as Dr. Snowball /<^z/j£'i'.) An' I s'pose yo' cures warts on 
de ban's an' bunions on de feet ? 

Dr. S. (r., out of breath). I does. 

Zeke. Yo' kin cure de warts on de ban's ob a clock, den, 
an' take de bunion off de foot ob a hill. {Starts.) 

Dr. S. I'll cure yo', yo' blame fool nigg-ah ! {Rushes again 
after Zeke, around the table, overturning both chairs.) I'll 
blister your side fer yo' ef 1 kin ketch yo' ! 

Zeke. Dar's one side yo' can't blister. 

Dr. S. {pausing and brandishing umbrella). Which side 
is dat ? 

Zeke. De sea-side. Yah, yah ! {Starts.) 

Dr. S. Yo' black rascal ! {Overturns the table in his 
efforts to get «/ Zeke, who retreats toward the door.) I kin 
see a rascal in your face ! 

Zeke. I nebber knowed my face wus a lookin' glass. 
{Chuckles >) 

\As Zeke is close to the door. Dr. Snowball makes a 
blow at him with the umbrella ; Zeke ducks and the 
blow descends upon a breakfast tray which POMPEY 
is just brifiging i7i. Zeke darts out at the door. 

POMPEY {standing ijt doorway, holding the wreck of the 
breakfast). Hello, dar ! Dar's a fall in prowisions at last. 
De boss been a-grumblin' at de price a long time. 

Dr. S. {furious with rage)._ Jist lemme git arter dat fool 
nigger ! 

Pomp. Hadn't yo' better go in an' see de boss, sah ? {Re- 
stores table to place, and places tray and fragments tipon it.) 

Dr. S. {coming down r.). How is he dis mawnin' ? Did he 
foller my subscription .? 

Pomp. (l.). No, sah, he didn't, or else he'd been roasted. 
He frowed it inter de hah. 

Dr. S. Frowed it into de fiah ! What fo' ? 

Pomp. He didn't like de hot water an' salt. 

Dr. S. {grabs hat and gripsack). Ha ! I shall hab to diet 
him, dat'sall. {EXIT.) 

Pomp. Dietin's jess a race between physic an' starvation, 
ter see which kin kill fust. When yo' die, yo' lib on nuffin' ; 
an' when yo' diet, yo's nuffin' ter lib on. 

ENTER Zeke at door. 

Zeke. Whar's the doctah, Pomp ? 

Pomp. Gone to diet de boss. 

Zeke {coming down r.). Ha, dar's nuffin' like a good diet ! 



DOCTOR SNOWBALL. 7 

Dar wus a elderly cullud genelman down in Thompson Street 
uster gib won'erful adwice 'bout diet. He tole us what we 
mustn't hab ter eat; an' what wus strange, eberybody took dat 
ole niggah's adwice. 

Pomp. (l.). What wus de adwice, Zeke ? 
Zeke. He said we mus'n't eat de shovel or de poker or de 
tongs, 'ca'se dey wus berry hard ob digestion ; and we mus'n't 
eat de bellows, 'ca'se dey wus inclined ter be windy ; lead, he 
tole us, wus a great deal too heaby fer a stiddy thing, an' 
drinkin' ker'sene wus apt to make too sudden a change in de 
system. But I say. Pomp, s'pose you-r ole boss dies — what's 
yo' goin' fer to do ? 

{They seat themselves at the table, Zeke r., Pompey l. 
Pomp. Oh, I's gwine inter de boss business. 
Zeke. De boss business ! 

Pomp, {crosses legs attd sticks thumbs in armholes). Dat's 
what I said. 

Zeke. Well, now, dat's berry foolish ob yo', Pomp. 
Pomp. What fo' ? Say, yo' ain't heard how 1 sold ole Jerry 
Crow las' week r 

Zeke. No, Pomp, how's dat ? 

[Pompey tells the following with a great deal of action, 
carrying out the story in pantomime. Zeke dis- 
plays his appreciation with extravagant gesticula- 
tions, slapping his leg, etc. At the conclusion of 
Pompey's story, both lean back in their chairs atid 
laugh boisterously. 
Pomp. Why, yo' knowed my ole boss, blind Bob, didn't yo' ? 
Zeke. Yep, I knows him. 

Pomp, {shakes head). Not now yo' doesn't ; he's dead. 
Zeke. What ! ole blind Bob dead ? 

Pomp. Jess de same ole boss, I tole yo'. He died las' week, 
an' I propped him up ag'in de fence while I fotched a hurdle to 
cart him away, when who should I meet but ole Jerry Crow wid a 
gun in his han'. " Mawnin'. Mistah Crow," says I, "has yo' 
had any luck to-day ? " " Y-es," says he, " bad luck." " What," 
says I, "not a shot ?" "Not a blame shot," says he; "but 
look a-heah " says he, " isn't dat your ole boss a-standm' ag'ir 
de fence yonder?" "Yep," says I, "dat's our ole Bob.' 
" Well " says he, " I'll gib yo' a doUyar 'f yo'll lemme hab a shot 
at him'as he Stan's dar." " Yo' couldn't hit him frum here," says 
I "Couldn't I?" says he; " heah, catch hoi' ob dis dollyar, 
an' I'll show yo'," says he ; " I'll bet yo' anoder dollyar I drops 
him de fust shot." " Done," says I, an' ole Jerry took his sights 
an' let 'er go. But Bob neber stirred. "Missed him, by 
Jericho ' " says Jerry, " but I'll hab anoder shoot ; here's anoder 
dollyar " So I larfs at him an' takes his dollyar, an' he has 



in 



8 DOCTOR SNOWBALL. ■. 

anoder try. He's a bit hard o' hearin', Jerry is, but / hears de 
thud ob de bullet as it bores a hole in poor ole Bob's ribs ; so I 
says to him, " I wondah what de coons at de cross-roads '11 say 
when I tell 'em dat Mr. Crow cyan't hit a boss at thirty yards !" 
Dat put his dander up, an' yo' should a-seen him part with his 
dollyars arfter dat. I had dat nig-gah poppin' away at de ole 
dead boss nearly half an hour, at adollyar a shot, an' I got fifty- 
six dollyars fer ole Bob's carcass dat wusn't worth sebenty-five 
cents. At las' Jerry says, " What in thunder ails dat ole screw 
dat he don't stir ? I'll go an' dribe him out ob dat gum tree, 
an' den I'll hab a better shot." So he walks up to ole Bob, an' 
I walks home, an' I ain't seen Jerry since. 

^iVrify? Dr. Snowball, c, carrying timbrella and gripsack. 

Dr. S. {coming down to table and laying things tipon it). 
Heah, yo', Pompey, get your master some hen fruit at once. 

[Zeke goes up stage. 

Pomp, {rising). Wh — what kin' ob fruit, sah ? 

Dr. S. Hen fruit. 

Pomp, (vacantly). Nebber heard ob it. Whar does it grow ? 

Dr. S. (bangs table). It doesn't grow, yo' iggerant nigger. 
I means eggs. 

Pomp. Oh, yo' means eggs ; den why didn't yo' say so ? 

Dr. S. Yo' mus' boil 'em free minutes. 

Pomp. Oh, free minutes ; what, by de clock ? 

Dr. S. Sartin. 

Pomp. Den I can't. 

Dr. S. Why can't yo' ? 

Pomp. 'Ca'se de clock's half an hour too fast. 

Dr. S. What does dat mattah, yo' simpleton ? An' I's left 
a bottle ob my great Kerfoozlem medicine, dat licks all creation, 
by your master's bedside. 

Zeke (coming down). Am dat berry strong stuff, doctah ? 

[Pompey goes up stage. 

Dr. S. Strong ! Dat's not de word for it — it's mighty. It 
cures eberyt'ing : sore eyes, bald heads, pains in de back, bad 
tempers, toofache or tight shoes. It am a splendid iiair wash, 
a pow'ful vermin killer, a first-rate pickle an' a good substitute 
fo' turpentine, an' it will remove all incumbrances whatsoebber. 

Zeke, Yes, I heard 'bout dat Kerfoozlem de odder day. It 
did Ephraim Spoopendyke a berry great an' lastin' service. 

Dr. S. I's proud ob your testimony, sah. How did it oper- 
ate on him ? 

Zeke. It removed his mudder-in-law, in two doses. 

Dr. S. (confiised). Dar mus' be some mistake 'bout dat ar. 

Zeke. Dat's what Ephraim thought. He thought her con- 
stutution would stand anyfing. He'd tried beetle poison, aqua 



DOCTOR SNOWBALL. 9 

forty— I don' know but it wusn't aqua fifty or not— an' seberal 
odder sooving lickers ob dat kind, an' she wus proot ag'in "em 
all • but two doses ob your Kerfoozlem did de bis'ness at once. 
an''now de ole lady resides wif de angels. I b'lieve dat stuff 
would a-cured Uncle Pete hisself, dat wus killed las' fall. 

Dr. S. Uncle Pete ? Uncle Pete ? How wus he killed ? 

Zeke. Wal, he'd got up in his sleep one night, an' tried to 
walk out ob de window ; an' de window sash fell down on his 
neck an* broke his neck, an' den he fell out an' his head caught 
de shutter an' killed him, an' he lell inter de cistern an* wus 
drownded, an' de cistern tossed ober an' he rolled into de 
gutter an' dar he wus frozen ter deff, an' den dey took him to 
de station an' gotde coroner to sit on him an' dat squashed all 
de life right out ob him. 

Dr. S. Dat am a wonderful story, 'Zekiel, an' I shall hab ter 
wash dat down. {Turns to POMPEY.) Pompey, fetch me a 
glass ob wine frum your master's room. 

Pomp. Yes, sah ! {Aside.) Golly, how I'll fix him ! 

(EXIT, c.) u , K 

Dr. S. Now, sah. let me persuade yo to try one bottle ob 

my wonderful Kerfoozlem. 

Zeke. T'ank yo', doctah, but I's got no mudder-in-law. 

Will it do fer washin' ? , , ,, 

Dr. S. Wash, did yo' say, sah ? It will change the leopard s 

spots. 

Zeke. Will it make good furniture pohsh ? 

Dr. S. Makes ole furniture into new. {Turns to door.) 
Ah, here's de wine. 

ENTER Pompey ivith wineglass on a tray. Dr. Snowball 

takes the glass, drinks and then drops the glass. 

Pomp What's de mattah, doctah ? 

Dr S [sputtering). Wh—wh— what's dis yo's giben me ? 
Pomp. De wine, doctah, out ob de bottle on de boss's table. 
Dr. S. {earnestly). Which table ? 
Pomp. De iil' table by his bed. 

Dr S {throwing tip his arms). Dat's whar I put de Kerfooz- 
lem ! I's pisened ! A chair, a chair, quick ! {Manifests great 

[They each run for a chair and bring them together 

■ down c. As Dr. Snowball is sitting down, they 

each take a chair away and sit upon it, letting the 

Doctor/^// to the floor between them. 

Zeke Why Pomp, what yo' done took de doctah's chair fo' ? 

Pomp. Yo' done took de doctah's chair. 1 only took de one 

I brought fo' myself. 



lo DOCTOR SNOWBALL. • 

Dr. S. Yo' rascals ! [They laugh at him, withdrawing 

to a safe distance. 
{Angrily.) What am you laffin' at, and stretchin' your moufs 
till dey am 'most as large as your two heads ? {Threatens 
them with umbrella.) 

Zeke, I knows sumtin' dat has a mouf bigger'n its head. 

Dr. S. Eh ! What ! Yo' wants ter make a fool ob me ? 

Zeke. No, sah ; but it am true fo' all dat. 

Dr. S. Whar can dar be anyfing wif a mouf ob more size- 
ableness dan de head ? 

Zeke. De mouf ob a ribber, doctah. Yah, yah! 

Pomp. So it is, Zeke. I 'member once swimming across 
de mouf ob a ribber when I was a pickaninny. 

Dr. S. {to Pompey). Well, wus yo' a good swimmer ? 

Pomp. No, dat's de best ob it ; I couldn't swim at all. I 
jess stepped in de water so. {Gets tray from table attd 
stands L.) 

Dr. S. An' yo' couldn't swim ? {Takes C.) 

Zeke. An' yo' wusn't drownded 1 {Stands r.) 

Pomp. Oh, no ! I jess frew out my arms dis way. {Throws 
out both arms as in swimming ; the tray, which he holds in 
his R. hand, comes in cotttact with Dr. Snowball's /rt^:^ and 
nearly floors him.) 

Dr. S. The deuce ! 

Zeke. No, doctah, dat wusn't de deuce ; it wuz de tray dat 
won dat trick, an' de tray wus in Pomp's hand. 

Dr. S. An' de umbrella is in mine, yo' black rascals ! 

\Comic business ; he pur sices them with the um- 
brella, and finally chases them out of the room, C, 
Noise as if all three were falling downstairs. 

CURTAIN. 



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Felter. 6 male and 5 female principal characters (" artists "), with a chorus 
of 6 persons (3 ladies, 3 gentlemen) and 2 pages (little boys.) Requires no 
scenery— -4 paper-muslin " wall,'' decorated with a few evergreens, forming the 
entire stage setting. The programme consists of a number of specialties (includ- 
ing the author's well-known monologue, " Man Wanted," and the experiences 
of Cynthia Sniggins from Wiggletown) with various choruses and burlesque 
living pictures. Almost any number of young people can take part in th ; show, 
which is warranted to alleviate the most obstinate case of dyspepsia in 60 to 90 
minutes. 

^''iVeprofucedit here {E'mira, N. Y.) for the Y. M. C. A. very success- 
fully, i^e turned people away the Jfirst nif^ht^ and had a full house the 
second:'' 

A MINSTREL SHOW FOR DUSKY DAMES. 

THE BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. (15 cents.) By Nettie H. Pelham. A com- 
plete minstrel entertainment for female impersonators, that includes all the essen- 
tial features of a burnt cork programme — bright and new »okes, droll conundrums, 
popular songs, graceful dances and novel specialties, with a comical afterpiece 
for a whole company entitled Pa ichwokk, which will afford a clever medium 
for " specialty "stars. The book is not a string of suggestions, but an entire 
entertainment for 30 lor fewer) young ladies, that will run about two hours. 
The manuscript has been used with pronounced success in various parts of the 
country. 

AN OLD FAVORITE REVIVED. 

THE SHAKESPEARE WATER CU«E. (15 cents.) A burlesque comedy in 
three acts, by "The Larks." 5 male, 4 female characters. Time in represen- 
tation, alout 2 hours. This thoroughly original piece will succeed beyond 
expectation, with fairly clever people in the cast. Each character is a "star," 
and each can make any number of " points." Staying at a water-cure establish- 
ment are: Hamlet, for his health, and his wife Ophelia; Macbeth and Lady 
Macbeth, for economical reasons, in need of the needful; Mrs. Bassanio, enjoy- 
ing a legal vacation ; the Montagues, having been disowned by both their 
houses, Mr. R. M. has taken to the stage and is herewith his traveling com- 
pany and his wife Juliet ; Shylock (from Chatham street) covets Portia's gold 
and bribes Lady Macbeth to incite her husband to the murder of Bassanio (tem- 
porarily on B ackwell's Island), so that the Jew can marry the fair heiress. All 
of which is accomplished, and a wedding dinner, under the superintendence of 
Othello (a darkey waiter), is given by the other patients to the happy bride and 
bridegroom. 

'This is a miv edition, partly reivritten, of a favorite comedy that has been 
out of print for some years. 

THE LA TEST NEGRO FARCE. 

DOCTOR SNOWBALL. (15 cents.) A negro farce in one act, by James Barnes. 
3 male characters. Scene, a plain room with a table and two chairs. Crisp and 
snappy and. admits of specialties. The Doctor has a great head for humbug, 
Zeke a great head for gymnastics, and Pompey a great head for business. Will 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 
132 Nassau Street, ------ NEW YORK. 



make the audience laugh themselves sore. Runs 20 minutes, if played straight, 
without specialties. 

A SEQUEL TO ''THE DEACONS 

THE DEACON'S TRIBULATIONS. (15 cents.) A comedy-drama in four acts, 
by Horace C. Dale. 8 male, 4 female characters. Time of playing, 2 hours. 
This is a worthy successor to the ever-popular " Deacon," in which the old 
favorites reappear amid new surroundings, all of them a little older, some of 
them very much married. The "business" is just as forcible, the situations 
just as laugh?ble and the act-endings just as uproarious as they are in the older 
plaj'. Pete is up to all his old, and some new, tricks ; Daisy is made happy for- 
ever, and The Deacon is finally and completely cured of his fondness for lem- 
onade with a stick in it. The author confidently recommends this piece to all 
societies that wish to repeat their old successes with " The Deacon." 
NEW PIECES FOR YOUSG FOLK. 

A FESTIVAL OF FLOWERS. (15 cents.) By Clarence F. Shuster. A musi- 
cal entertainment for children— 13 boys and 13 girls. The cast can be curtailed, 
if desired, by omitting some of the Flowers. Each character, representing a 
flower, has certain lines of recitative with appropriate "business." There are 
several pretty songs and simple dances (a minuet can be introduced), and the 
spectacle concludes with " The Flower Festival March " and a tableau repre- 
senting an enormous bouquet. Time of representation, about half an hour. Col- 
ored tissue papers make the costumes, and there are no troublesome "proper- 
ties." The piece is an ingenious rhythm of melody, movement and color, that 
will command the favor of young people of all ages. 

THE CAPTIVE PRINCESS. (15 ci nts.) A play suitable for school entertain- 
ments and adapted to children of 12 years or under, by A. M. Mitchell. 
9 characters, viz. : i girl, i boy and 7 others (either boys or girls), personifying 
various Studies. The Princess is captured by tyrants, who bear her away to 
their castle, where they keep her at hard and difficult tasks. Just as she reaches 
the verge of despair Prince Promotion appears and rescues her from her thral- 
dom. The piece requires no scenery nor any properties that cannot be made of 
cardboard easily. Contains several simple songs asd some very smart dialogue, 
and is singularly free from all goody-goody flavor. Plays about half an hour. 

THE LOST NEW YEAR. (15 cents.) A play in verse, by E. M. Crane, for 
young actors of 5 to 12 years. 8 principal characters, and choruses of Seasons, 
Fairies, Butterflies and Flowers. The piece was written for and first produced 
by about 30 children, boys and girls, of various agss. The cast can he made 
greater or smaller by increasing or curtailing the choruses. No trouble about 
costumes or properties. Time of representation, about 45 minutes. Master 
New Year, while speeding earthward, loses his way and is persuaded by the 
Fairies to tarry and join their ring. As the time approaches for Old Year to 
depart, with still no sign of his successor, the Seasons, the Flowers and the 
Butterflies are thrown into deep consternation, but when the alarm has reached 
its height, and New Year seems irretrievably lost, the Fairies bring him to take 
his place and receive his welcome just in time for Old Year to disappear. The 
piece is as bright as a dollar throughout. 

THREE STANDARD SUCCESSES. 

ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME. (25 cents.) A comedy in four acts, by 
William Gillette, as first produced at the Boston Museum, March 3, 1890. 
Authorized Copyright Edition, printed from the original prompt-copj'. 10 
male, 7 female characters (by doubling, it is usually played by 6 gentlemen and 
4 ladies). Costumes of the day. One parlor scene throughout. Time of 
playing, 2 hours and 35 minutes. Acting rights reserved. 

A NIGHT OFF. (25 cents.) A comedj' in four acts, from the German of Schoen- 
than, by Augustin Daly, as first produced at Daly's Theatre, N. Y., March 4, 
1885. Authorized Copyright Edition, printed from the original prompt-copy. 
6 male, 5 female characters. Modern costumes. 2 interior (parlor) scenes. 
Time of playing, lYt hours. Acting rights reserved. 

SEVEN-TWENTY-EiaHT. (25 cents.) A comedy in four acts, fro-n the Ger- 
man of Schoenthan, by Augustin Daly, as first produced at Daly's Theatre, 
N. Y., February 24, 1883. Authorized Copyright Edition, printed from the 
original prompt-copy. 7 male, 4 female characters. 2 interior (parlor) scenes. 
Time of playing, 2J4 hours. Acting rights reserved. 

"All the Comforts of Home," "A Night Off " and " Seven-Twenty-Eight " are 
subject to a fee for production by amateurs. (Particulars to be found in the 
piiinted books.) The publisher is not concerned in the coilection o//ees. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 
132 Nassau Street, NEW YORK. 



Exhibition Drills and Marches 

(15 CENTS EACH.) 

The Bootblack Drill. A comic novelty drill for several boys or girls repre- 
senting bootblacks. It is a living picture from real life, done in motion. 

The Clown's Horn Drill. A fantastic drill and march for boys or young 
men. The performers represent clowns who go through a comical man- 
ual, with tin horns. Contains, also, a dumb-bell exercise which may be 
retained or omitted. 

A Dutch Flirtation. A handkerchief drill for small girls, which carries out 
a clever little comedy in movement. Simple, and short enough for little 
fo ks to execute without fatigue, and is at once graceful and comical. 

Ine Indian Huntresses. A bow and arrow drill for girls of any age. Pict- 
uresque, witu graceful figures and tableau effects. 

John Brown's Ten Little Injuns A tomahawk march and drill for small 
boys or young men. The march, manual and chorus are all done to the 
old tune of the same name. Comic. 

The March of the Chinese Lanterns. A spectacular novelty drill and ir.arch 
for girls or young ladies. The drill and calisthenics are novel, and the 
march forms vaiious graceful figures and pretty tableaux. 

Maud Muller Drill. _ A pretty pantomime drill for young ladies and gentle- 
men. Appropriate passages selected from Tennyson's poem are recited 
by a reader, while the story is acted out in marches, motions and poses. 

Red Riding Hood Drill. A novelty story in drill and song, for little folks. 
The story is represented in pantomime, with various figures, poses, mo- 
tions and short songs. 

Spring Garlands. A flower drill for young people of both sexes, represent- 
ing maids and gallants of ye olden tyme. Cracaful calisthenic poses, 
evolutions with garlands and pretty marching figures, make .. very pict- 
uresque and old-time effect. 

The Turk-ey Drill A nonsense comedj'^ song-drill for boys or young men; a 
suggestion of Thanksgiving Daj'. 

The Vestal Virgins. A spectacular taper-drill for girls or young ladies — a 
Sybil and any number of virgins. Works out a classic theme with pretty 
effect. Interwoven are pose-studies, marching figures and a gallery of 
the Muses. 

The Witches' March and Broom Drill. A fantastic drill for girls or young 
ladies, presenting a succession of contrasts in movement and pose. It is 
quite novel and striking. 



Various Entertainments 

(25 CENTS EACH.) 

The Japanese Wedding. A pantomime representation of the wedding cere- 
mony as it is done in Japan. Requires 13 performers and lasts about 50 
minutes. Is exceedingly effective. 

An Old Plantrlion Night. _ A musical and elocutionary medley for a double 
quartet. Is not a " minstrel" show, but represents the life of the old- 
time darkies, interspersed with song and story. 

The Gypsi.s' Festival. A musical entertainment for children, Introducing 
the Gj'psy Queen, Fortune-teller, Yankee Peddler, and a chorus of Gyp- 
sies of any desired number. , 

The Court cf King Christmas. A Cantata for young folks, representing the 
Christmas preparations in Santa Claus land. Young people, from six to 
sixty, are always delighted with it. 

King Winter's Carnival. An operetta for children, with 10 speaking parts 
and chorus. The action takes place in King Winter's apartments at the 
North Pole. Ends in a minuet. 

The Fairies' Tribunal. A juvenile operetta for 9 principal characters and a 
chorus. Interspersed are pretty motion-songs, dances and marches, a 
drill and some good tableaux. Entertains both old and young. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 132 Nassau St., N. Y. 



.LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

■lllilililllliiliililiiil 

016 102 383 8 



TOWNSEND'S 



♦^AflATEUR THEATRICALS." 

A Practical Guide for Amateur Actors. 
PRICE, 25" CENTS. 

This work, without a rival tn the field of dramatic literature, covers the en- 
tire subject of amateur acting, and answers the thousand and one questions that ' 
arise constantly to worry and perplex both actor and manager. It tells how to ' 
select plays and what plays to select; how to get up a dramatic club— whom to ' 
choose atid whom to avoid; how to select characters, showing who should assume i 
particular roles • how to rehearse a play properly— including stage business, by- 1 
play, voice, gestures, action, etc. ; how to represent all the passions and emo- 1 
tions, from Love to Hate (this chapter Is worth many times the price of the book, , 
as the same information cannot be found in any similar work); how to costume 
modern plays. All is told in such a plain, simple style that the veriest tyro can 
understand. The details are so complete and the descriptions so clear that the 
most inexperienced can follow them readily. The book is full of breezy anecdotes 
that illustrate different points. But its crowning merit Is that it is thoroughly < 
PRACTICAL— it is the result of the author's long experience as an actor and niiin- m 
agar. Every dramatic club in the laud should possess a copy of this book, and no - 
actor can afford to be without it. It contains so much valuable information that , 
even old stagers will consult it with advantage. 



HELMER'S 



■>^ 



ACTOR'S MAKE=UP BOOK. 

A I'ractical and Systematic Guide to the Art of Making-up for the Sta^e.^ 



PRICE, 25 CENTS. 



: 

Facial make-up has much to do with an actor's success. This manual Is a perfect Z 
encyclopedia of a branch of knowledge most essential to all players. It is well 5 
written, systematic, exhaustive, practical, unique. Professional and amateur • 
actors and actresses alike pronounce It the best make-up book ever published. W 
It is simply indispensable to those who cannot command the services of a per- # 
ruquier. A 

CONTENTS. Z 

Chapter I. Theatrical Wigs.— The Style and Form of Theatrical Wigs and • 

' Beards. The Color and Shading of Theatrical Wigs and Beards. Directions f or • 

Measuring the Head. To put on a Wig properly. 

Chapter II. Theatrical Beards.— How to fashion a Beard out of Crepe Hair, m 
llow to make Beards of Wool. The growth of Beard simulated. , 

Chapter III. The Makk-up.— A successful Character Mask, and how to make 
it. Perspiration daring performance, how removed. 

Chapter IV. The Make up Box.— Grease Paint . Grease Paints in Sticks; Flesh' 
Cream; Face Powder; How to use Face Powder as a Liquid Cream; The various' 
shades of Face Powder. Water Cosmetique. Nose Putty. Court Plaster, Cocoa i 
Hutter. Crepe Hair and Prepared Wool. Grenadine. Dorin's Rouge. "Old 
Man's" Rouge. "Juvenile" Rouge. Spirit Gum. Email Noir. Bear's Grease. , 
Kyebrow Pencils. Artist's Stomps. Powder Puffs. Hare's Feet. Camel's-halr , 
Brushes. 

Cliapter V. The Features and theiu Treatment.— The Eyes : Blindness, fhe ' 
Eyelids. The Eyebrows : How to paint out an eyebrow or mustache; How to ( 
paste on eyebrows; How to regulate bushy eyebrows. The Eyelashes : To alter ( 
the appearance of the eyes. The Ears. The Nose: A Roman nose; How to use ( 
the nose putty; a pug nose; an African nose; a large nose apparently reduced in 
size. Tlie Mouth and Lips : a juvenile mouth; an old mouth; a sensuous mouth; 
a satirical mouth; a onesided mouth; a merry mouth; a sullen mouth. The' 
Teeth. The Neck, Arms, Hands and Fing^-nails : Fingernails lengthened. ' 
Wrinkles: Fiiendliness and Sullenness Indicated by wrinkles. Shading. ' 
Starving Chnracter. A Cut in the Face. A Thin Face made Fleshy. 

Cliapter VI. Typical Character Masks.— The Makeup for Youth; Dimpled 
Cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunkard: One method; a 
other method. Old Age. Negroes. Moors. Chinese. King Lear. Shylock. Mac- 
beth. Richelieu. Statuary. Clowns. 

Chapter VIL Special Hints to Ladies.— The Make-upo Theatrical Wigs and ' 
Hair Goods. 

^g'" Copies of the above "will be mailed^ post-paid^ to any address^ on\ 
receipt of the annexed prices. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 132 Nassau St., N. Y. 



